Chop Wood Carry Water
On the first Saturday morning yoga class of 2021, our yoga teacher shared with us a Zen proverb:
Before enlightenment ,chop wood carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood carry water.
Immediately, the Divorce Mediator portion of my brain resonated with this seemingly simple thought. This proverb represents the essence of our Mediate for Life Divorce and Family Dispute practice.
In order for each of us to commit to a mindful life…a life of generosity, honesty and intention, we must chop wood carry water.
The work to be done to arrive at a transparent, equitable and sustainable agreement is the same work to be practiced to live a post divorce life in a healthy, fulfilling and sustainable manner.
The spiritual journey you seek…the intellectual study you pursue…the economic heights you strive for and the interpersonal relationships you desire, all require you to work at it from the ground up.
The sheer act of standing at the top of one’s mat with hands in prayer overhead, symbolizes the hard work of moving thru the lower chakra’s and building a formidable foundation.
The dilemma that arises and the obstacle that confronts many of our client’s is that they have difficulty identifying the correlation between what they feel and the actions they take.
They may think that they are working to ‘chop wood carry water' yet their actions are untethered to their emotions and mind. Although the interpretations for this Chinese Buddhist ‘bumper sticker are plentiful, my strong take-a-way is this: Many will deflect the impulse for inner reflection and instead set out to impose the chopping of wood and the carrying of water on their respective spouse or significant other. The optic needs to be changed. The work to be done is on one’s self.
Far too often, the divorce process devolves into nothing but finger pointing and blame. Sometimes this dynamic infiltrates and poison’s the mediation journey. At other times the animosity ebbs and flows.
In Divorce Mediation, we seek a point where both parties have their respective epiphany as it relates to the continuation of the divorce mediation. There comes a time when the swirling tempest of vindictiveness and blame and revenge needs to fade away and dissipate, leaving an environment of resolve and transparent negotiation. It is at this juncture that the parties accept and understand that the only way out of their perceived depths and chains of marriage is to pick themselves up and chop the wood carry the water.
This new year of 2021, try to change the optics in how you deal with your Divorce. Try to take your anxiety and frustration and anger down a notch or two or three and try to find the space and time to simplify your thoughts and actions.
Chop Wood.
Carry Water.
Chop Wood.
Carry Water.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Think positively.
Make a smile.
Release Judgment.
Embrace Confidence.