“ You can’t go back and change the beginning but you can start where you are and change the ending.” C.S. Lewis .

The research is conclusive that divorce is the second most stressful life event a person can ever experience. Thus it should come as no surprise that nearly half of all married couples are likely to divorce. At the time a couple is in the throes of a declining marriage, because of infidelity; addiction; child rearing; sexuality, to name a few, there is no awareness to ask the key question. “ Am I in a healthy relationship?”

Once a person makes the crucial decision to sit down and participate in a divorce mediation session, the question of was their particular marriage a healthy relationship jumps forth prime and prominent.

Popular culture has for eons depicted and supported “love” as a matter of divine intervention. The belief has been coveted that as long as you find the right person the marriage will work. Unfortunately , stoically holding on to this paradigm and living ones life as if this was the beacon too their happiness, only leads to divorce.

There is so much energy and effort expended together with the misconception’s that couples operate under, that they can do nothing but be myopic when they view their own relationship. Some how they can take time to worry and argue and compromise about the child(ren), vacations, kitchen appliances, yet no time is put aside to learn how to love another person.

The fact that a couple sits in a divorce mediation session speak volumes to the silent answer, “ No, it has not been a healthy relationship.” Too often a ‘ post marriage health checkup’ never makes it to the divorce agenda. It is probably grounded in the sentiment that the marriage is over, why should I spend any more sweat on him/her?

Ah, but that is precisely the point. We are not talking here about cross-examining your spouse. We are saying that you must ask yourself what is your cosmic view of yourself? We want our clients to move away from the fallacy that one needs to be a person who is intuitive in order to love another person. We are putting forth the canon that the first step to your having a good relationship is your developing a core belief system that leads you to an enlightened level of self understanding.

At Mediate for Life we do not adhere to the philosophy that with divorce comes the ‘end’. We believe that when a person who is getting a divorce can shed the blame game; stop over simplifying and cast aside the moniker of “victim” then their future is bright, healthy and attainable.

For those couples that retain litigious lawyers to do their respective bidding, engaging in hand-to-hand combat with the conflicts and complications of dissolving a marriage and decimating a family, there is but one outcome. One wins and the other loses. At MFL we are proud of our efforts to mobilize our clients to see themselves as two separate people standing equal side-by-side working to solve a problem.

The goal of our divorce mediators is to instill in each one of our clients the ability to learn and identify what is important to them; what values do they hold dear. Once they know who they are, they will be intuit powerful position to change the ‘ending” as they start their fresh journey for the second part of their life.

steven bettman